Ignorance isn't bliss, it's embarrassing

I clicked on my sidebar’s link to "Haveil Havalim, current post," and ended up at this post (thanks, Malachi!), which sent me to this post. Sigh. I’m not even a baalot t’shuvah (“returnee” to Orthodox Judaism), and I’ve run into some similar embarrassing situations, myself. Oy, can I tell you stories . . .

Baruch Elokeinu sheh-b'raanu li-ch'vodo (repeat three times)
Li-ch'vodo
[Blessed is He, our G-d, Who created us for His glory (repeat three times)
For His glory]

Chorus:
Od ha-paam, od ha-paam, li-ch'vodo (repeat twice)
Od ha-paam, li-ch'vodo, li-ch'vodo
[Repeat, again, "for His glory" (repeat twice)
Repeat, again, "for His glory," "for His glory"]

[I think "od ha-paam" can mean either "repeat" or "again."]

V'hivdilanu min ha-toim (repeat three times)
Min ha-toim
[And separated us from those who stray]

Chorus:
Od ha-paam, od ha-paam, min ha-toim (repeat twice)
Od ha-paam, min ha-toim, min ha-toim
[Repeat, again, "from those who stray"]

V'natan lanu Torat emet (repeat three times)
Torat emet
[And gave us the Torah/law of truth]

Chorus:
Od ha-paam, od ha-paam, Torat emet (repeat twice)
Od ha-paam, Torat emet, Torat emet
[Repeat, again, "Torah/law of truth"]

V'chayei olam nata b'tocheinu (repeat three times)
B'tocheinu
[And life eternal planted within us]

Chorus:
Od ha-paam, od ha-paam, b'tocheinu (repeat twice)
Od ha-paam b'tocheinu, b'tocheinu
[Repeat, again, "within us"]

Every summer for something like a decade, my mother worked as a counselor at the local Jewish day camp in return for tuition for the four of us. So there I was, among the campers singing Hebrew songs, when I got carried away by the spirit of the moment and started singing this beauty at the top of my lungs:

V'natan lanu et ha-Shabbat (repeat three times)
Et ha-Shabbat
[And gave us the Sabbath]

Chorus:
Od ha-paam, od ha-paam, et ha-Shabbat (repeat twice)
Od ha-paam, et ha-Shabbat, et ha-Shabbat
[Repeat, again, "the Sabbath"]


Dead silence from the counselors.


I knew that I'd done something that wasn't done, but no one said a word, and I was afraid to ask.

It was roughly another forty years before I understood: I'd been under the impression that what we were singing was just an ordinary Hebrew song, when, in fact, those lyrics are taken from the siddur (prayer book)--and since I didn't know that prayer at that time, I had no idea that I was adding words that weren't part of the prayer. The words that come immediately after the lyrics of that song are "Hu yiftach libeinu b'Torato, May He open our heart to His Torah." There's no mention of Shabbat (Sabbath) in that particular prayer, which is recited daily.

Over forty years after the fact, I'm still mortified to realize that, by adding that verse, I'd made it clear to every counselor present that I was ignorant of Jewish prayer. It's to their credit that they chose not to embarrass me by telling me just how stupid I'd made myself look.

Then there was the time that we invited a High Holiday cantor and his wife to lunch at our humble abode on Rosh HaShanah. Imagine how I felt when the cantor's wife complained that my very elegant and none-too-cheap dairy meal was just, well, "It's traditional to have a meat meal." My immediate reaction was to be thoroughly insulted. What an ingrate! (It probably didn't help that that was not the first time a guest had complained that the food I was serving wasn't good enough for her.) I've learned a few things since then. Apparently, it is traditional in some circles to make it a point to serve a meat meal on Sabbaths and holidays. But still, is it that great a breach of tradition to serve smoked salmon and kosher brie (neither of which is either cheap or easy to get in our non-Jewish neighborhood) that it was worth insulting the hostess? And how did she know that we weren't one of those families that had simplified our kashrut observance by having a dairy-only kitchen? If she wished to explain the tradition to me, why didn't she take me aside and explain privately, rather than embarrassing me in front of both of our husbands and my friend and friends?

Still, I would never serve a clergy-person and/or spouse a dairy meal on a Shabbat or Yom Tov again, lest I risk having to deal with that kind of disdain. I'd clean out one of the glatt kosher take-out places (lest there be a question about whether our kitchen is kosher enough) and put at least one dish, double-wrapped, on the hot tray (lest, heaven forbid, we be accused of being Tzadokim because we'd served only cold food.) Sigh.